Chuck Vs Rest
by unimaginative pseudonym
Summary: Sarah succumbs to temptation will the consequences of her decision cost her everything. Chuck/Sarah
1. Chapter 1

Since all the cool people are doing it I don't own Chuck.

A/N (Post Beefcake) Also unbetad all mistakes are my own.

**Chuck Vs Rest**

Chuck looked horrible she'd tried to approach him several times but he'd shrugged it off. The phrases "It's nothing" and "I'm fine" were likely to get the next person who uttered them shot right about now.

Heaving a disappointed sigh she let her head bang lighlty on the counter, she'd only moved in with him 4 days ago and already something was wrong.

She was brought out of her reverie by a sudden bang as someone walked into the glass door. Chuck! she was outside in an instant "are you okay" she asked worried, helping him to his feet.

"Bit dizzy" he groaned.

Helping him into the shop she sat him in a chair and went to grab an ice pack she kept in the freezer. By the time she returned his head was in his arms and his even breathing indicated a trip to dreamland. Not wanting to disturb him but needing to see how badly he'd hurt himself she gently lifted his head. Even that small movement was enough to wake him with an agonized moan "I'm sorry Chuck I need to see how badly you hurt yourself."

With a resigned sigh he lifted his head wearily his red bloodshot eyes staring back at her slightly unfocused. "Chuck you need to tell me what's wrong you look terrible."

"It's .." he started to slur before she cut him off.

"It's not nothing and your not fine you look like you haven't slept in days." Suddenly it clicked "Chuck have you been having trouble sleeping are you having nightmares?"

She heard him mumble something under his breathe.

"I didn't catch that Chuck?" when he refused to look at her she grabbed him by his hair yanking his head up so she was looking directly into his eyes. Her worry and frustration however made her use more force than she'd intended.

Chuck let out a sharp yelp of pain and she saw the anger flare in his eye's her grip loosened as he burst to his feet. "Fine you want to know why I can't sleep, it's you happy, god dammit your to close even with my eyes closed I can smell you hear you breathing I can't fall asleep when everything I want is so tantalizingly close but yet out of reach." He yelled slamming his fist onto the table. With that he turned and stormed out of the Orange Orange towards the Buy More.

Sarah just sat there stunned a strange mixture of shock, guilt and pleasure coursing through her mind. This confrontation was so out of sorts for Chuck the lack of sleep had clearly left him frayed and out of control. She had to fix this.

* * *

When Sarah returned to Ellie's apartment she found Chuck asleep on the couch she couldn't bear the thought of waking him even in sleep he was clearly exhausted. She paused thinking how things had gotten this far without anyone noticing Casey usually just ribbed him, Morgan was busy with Anna, Ellie and Awesome at the hospital and she well she had been distracted by being around Chuck constantly. Waking up next to him instead of to an empty bed in an empty hotel room had felt fantastic. Agents often had trouble sleeping haunted by the nightmares of there past and the bleakness of there futures. Those factors made an untroubled night's sleep hard to come by. Drugs provided some relief but an agent couldn't risk them when on assignment, being trapped unable to respond for several hours was far to risky. Yet falling asleep had seemed easier as she lay there staring at Chuck and when she woke from a nightmare he was there and she'd been able fall back to sleep again not doomed to spend the rest of the night afraid to close her eyes.

A yawn brought her back to the present as Chuck sat up stretching his hair in disarray. Looking around while still rubbing his eyes his vision finally cleared, he focused on her.

"Sarah, I'm sorry I don't know what came over me it's not your fault it's mine I shouldn't have taken it out on you. .." He was babbling.

"It's okay Chuck" Sarah cut him off "I should have noticed this earlier and fixed it I'm sorry I was so preoccupied."

"Don't worry I'm sure Cole will be okay" Chuck mumbled still drowsy.

Sarah took a moment to process it she hadn't even thought about agent Barker since she'd moved in with Chuck the fact was he'd been rescued the next day and she'd been to distracted to remember to pass it on. "I'm sorry Chuck I should have told you earlier agent Barker was rescued 3 days ago your identity is safe."

"Does that mean we don't have to move in together?" the hope so apparent in voice hurt she really didn't want to let this go. It was a small enough part of a normal relationship but god damn it was hers.

"I'm sorry Chuck we need to continue now that we've told Ellie there would be to many questions otherwise but I have some pills I promise you a good nights sleep tonight."

Chuck's sleep deprived state led him to ignore her rather flimsy excuse instead focusing on the promise of rest "Really?"

She couldn't help a fond smile he was so childlike at times so innocent. "Yes Chuck I promise."

* * *

That night found her lying awake in the dark listening to the steady sound of his breathing. He seemed dead to the world but she wanted to be sure. Scooting closer to him she raised herself up to look at his face her hand resting gently on his chest. Yes definitely sound asleep she couldn't help a small smile at his peaceful face. The rhythmic beat of his heart under her palm was hypnotic.

She knew she shouldn't but the temptation was irresistible Chuck was asleep and Casey only had ears. Scooting closer her body pressed against his side she lowered her head to his chest listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.

* * *

Sarah had woken later than usual, she felt strange, calm, safe, loved. Snuggling deeper into Chuck's chest she let out a contented sigh. Suddenly it hit her bolting upright she felt a pang of loss as she left the safe confines of his arms. Chuck thankfully remained asleep although he murmured something incoherent at the loss of contact.

Sarah still reeling in shock, a storm of emotions surging through her struggled to regain her self control. The sound of an alarm clock going off shook her back to reality as Chuck awoke "morning" he mumbled wiping sleep from his eyes.

Hastily Sarah got out of the bed the few moments gave her enough time to regain some of her composure "Did you sleep well?" she asked desperately trying to buy more time.

Thinking for a second "yea actually" a slightly dazed expression on his face. He hadn't gotten all that much sleep over the last few days but he felt refreshed. "you" he queried.

Sarah paused for a second an automatic yes poised on her lips. It was strange she hadn't slept that well in .. dear god how long had it been since she hadn't been plagued by nightmares.

"Sarah?" Chuck asked pulling her out of her reverie.

"Yea umm good." She said as she beat a retreat to the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Still don't own Chuck

A/N Decided to expand on the one shot thanks to those who reviewed it was helpful. Special thanks to thsdow for the great Beta i have a tendency to read what should be there as opposed to what i have actually written.

**Chuck vs The Investigation**

3 weeks, an entire 21 days of waking up next to Chuck. Sarah could honestly say she'd never been happier. Even Ellie had commented on it, assuming that it was a by-product of living together with her brother.

In a way she was right. Although the irony that the person responsible for her good mood had no idea it was due to him, was not lost on her. That fact caused another pang of guilt. Sarah was now, for all intents and purposes, in a rather intimate relationship with someone who had no idea that it had occurred; but had been desperately trying to form a real relationship with her.

How often had she been tempted to let Chuck know, wondered how it would feel to be wrapped in his arms when he was awake, to go further to … . Giving herself a mental shake, she returned to the problem at hand. What she was doing was bad enough, he deserved to know that she was using him.

Realistically she harbored no doubts that he'd be thrilled at such a display of affection from her. Yet that was exactly the problem, he would pressure her for more and she knew she couldn't give it. Frack, why couldn't he just be satisfied with what she could give him. Though at the same time she grudgingly acknowledged the fact that she wanted more and despite her training was only just hanging on. It was unfair for her to expect that kind of emotional self control from someone who had no training.

With a sigh, she reluctantly accepted the fact that this was her secret and the guilt her burden to bear. However, the guilt was easy enough to deal with she merely let her mind fast forward to tonight she could almost feel his presence next to her. Warmth, comfort, safety all things she hadn't experienced in so long. Eight hours of peace and belonging, it was like a drug and even knowing the dangers of addiction any drug posed, she couldn't cut herself off.

As much as she hated to admit it, she was an addict which had been all to easily confirmed weeks earlier.

* * *

"Thanks again Sarah for the pills, they have really helped the last few days." Chuck said.

"My pleasure Chuck, I'm glad they helped" she'd replied. Unable to hide a small smile as she thought how accurate that statement was.

"Yea they were great but I think I'm ready to try without them."

"Are you sure?" the panicked words were out of her mouth before she could think.

"Yea, why?" he asked, giving her a curious stare.

"Nothing, I just don't want to have you walking into doors again" she replied, trying to distract him.

He gave her one of those goofy smiles as he remembered "Yea not my finest hour but I think I need to get off the pills before I build up a dependency."

"We wouldn't want that now would we" Sarah replied, unable to keep the wistfulness completely out of her voice.

Giving her another curious look and then shrugging it off, Chuck finished getting ready for bed.

* * *

She'd lain awake all night, unable to sleep. The next night had been worse, she'd found herself unconsciously shifting towards him half a dozen times, only just able to stop herself in time. She needed a solution soon as she was becoming fatigued. Sarah had pushed herself far beyond this before but the current trend didn't look promising.

Her tired mind ran through options to the problem. She could tell him, that would solve the problem but even her sleep deprived mind could come up with a dozen different consequences if she did. If only he wouldn't wake up when she went near him.

She shied away instantly from the thought of drugging him, surely she wasn't that desperate. Besides that would be going from morally gray to wrong. Why couldn't Chuck be a heavy sleeper ! Then it hit her, she wasn't sure how he slept normally. Maybe he normally would sleep through a thunderstorm, but she just didn't know. God please let him be a deep sleeper.

The sound of the door opening indicated only one thing, it was Chuck's lunch time visit as every day he arrived like clockwork.

Sure enough "I'd ask how your day was but I can't fathom a more exciting career than frozen yogurt sales." Chuck joked.

Sarah was conflicted between being jealousy at how energetic he seemed or pleasure that she was in his presence.

"Yea it's been a life altering experience." she said, trying to inject some cheer into her voice.

Chuck wasn't fooled, he never was it seemed, when it came to her moods. Almost instantly he was around the counter and examining her face with his gentle hand under her chin.

"You don't look so good Sarah" His voice was filled with concern.

"Is that your way of saying I'm not pretty anymore?" Sarah said, coyly trying to change topic.

A half formed smile appeared on his face, "Your always stunning to me Sarah but you do look very tired. Have you been getting enough rest?"

"Just had a lot on my mind. It's nothing."

The chuckle he emitted didn't make much sense to her and obviously her confused face tipped him off.

"So let me guess, you're fine?" he asked in wry amusement.

"Yes. I'm fine" she replied. Now annoyed, Sarah was sure she was the butt of some joke. She just wasn't sure about what.

Hearing the irritation in her voice, Chuck deemed it prudent to expound. "Just to reiterate, it's nothing and you're fine."

"Yes, I'm …" a slight blush appearing on her cheeks as she resignedly accepted the irony. "Fine. Haha mister. I get it. Very funny."

"I thought so" he replied with a smirk.

His face turning more serious as he continued "but clearly you're not fine. As much as I enjoy winning our little word games, you don't normally fall into something so obvious. Maybe you should take some of those pills, they worked great for me."

"Chuck, those pills are dangerous for an agent to use on assignment and I'm supposed to be protecting you." She saw his face fall at that.

"Makes me feel crappy that you can't take a simple sleeping pill because of me, is there anything I can do" he asked earnestly.

She wanted to scream at him yes, yes there is but she had to maintain control "No Chuck, but don't worry. I'm working on something to fix it."

Glancing at his watch, Chuck let out a small frustrated sigh. "Damn my break is over. I have got to get back to the Buy More. Maybe you can close up for a few hours and take a nap in the castle. No one comes in here much anyway."

"I'll be fine Chuck, you'd better get back." She replied

"Okay, cya at home" he said as he was leaving.

* * *

Sarah lay wide awake, watching the time tick by agonizingly slowly. She didn't have proof but she was damn sure that time had stopped at least twice so far.

How could it have been only 35 minutes since he'd fallen asleep. Screw it she thought she couldn't stand to wait any longer. Edging closer to Chuck, she proceeded with her investigation. 10 minutes later it was confirmed, Chuck for all intents and purposes, slept like a log.

A variety of prods, pokes and even kicks had failed to rouse him from his sleep. His most significant response was a barely interpretable moan along the lines of "No Ellie, Chuck need sleep." It was vaguely in the realm of possibilities that if a meteor came crashing into the courtyard, it might awaken him but it wasn't guaranteed. Exceptionally pleased with the results, Sarah snuggled up next to Chuck and fell into a blissful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Sorry for any confusion about the completed status i had up completely forgot about it. Thanks again to Tshdow for the beta.

**Chuck Vs Self-Control**

How had things gone so wrong, how had she let herself spiral out of control. There was no shred of doubt in her mind that if anyone found out, she would be finished; not just for this operation but period. Salvaging her career after this kind of debacle would not be possible. Yet she couldn't stop. Sarah had tried, oh how she'd tried but she couldn't resist. He was like a siren luring her onto the rocks towards certain doom, yet she was powerless to resist. It was even more amazing that Chuck was oblivious to what he was doing to her.

Everything had been fine just two weeks ago. How had she gone from floating on clouds to this twisted mass of guilt and worry. She really should have seen the complication coming but it had seemed to good to be true. A home, her home, his home, their home, a life together; it had seemed like a dream and like all dreams it had to end.

"Chuck we have an apartment." Sarah had exclaimed exuberantly. Fighting the temptation to jump into his arms.

"CIA finally found us a place?" Chuck responded, still absentmindedly fiddling with the computer.

"Yea it's great. It is just five minutes away from here, so you'll still be close to Ellie. It has two bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom, everything we could possibly need." she continued still excited.

"Sounds great. You can at least have some space now, it couldn't have been very comfortable for you these last few weeks." Chuck replied still distracted.

It was puzzling to her that he didn't really seem excited about the apartment. They were moving into their own place, he should be happy? If this was a real relationship, it would have been a huge step for them and a sign of commitment. That's when the harsh reality crushed her fantasy, if it was a real relationship! As far as Chuck knew, they didn't have a relationship. The grand total of their non-cover romance had been one near death kiss and some vague and cryptic remarks on her part while shooting down his every advance. She felt her heart plummet as she'd felt so close to him these last few weeks. It had been real to her, fulfilling, intimate and for him it didn't exist.

For him it was a constant reminder of everything he wanted. Her proximity was like rubbing salt into an open wound, it hurt her to think of it like that. She really shouldn't have done this, he deserved better. She was putting her own needs before his. She was supposed to be his protector, not the other way around.

She shrugged it off as these guilt trips had become far to common. But she did not feel guilty enough to let it completely derail her happiness. Because that was what she was happy, sure it wasn't optimal. In fact when she thought about how little it was she could barely restrain herself from seeking more. Wanting desperatly to reach out and touch the flame even knowing it would destroy her. Yet being together was so so much more than she thought she'd ever experience and as much as she sometimes hated her actions, she knew she couldn't let it go.

Her downfall was assured and that first night making him dinner, talking and then getting ready for bed, it had seemed perfect. Perfect until it shattered.

* * *

"So which bedroom is mine?" Chuck inquired.

Five little words, five words that rocked her to her core. Her heart seemed to stop, her voice locked up, she couldn't do anything, say anything. So close to normal, then everything was stripped from her.

"Sarah, which one is mine?" Chuck inquired again.

He'd never said anything so hurtful to her before, all she could do was point at the master bedroom. Their bedroom in her fantasy but now her eyes glistened with tears as she heard him wish her goodnight and exit the bathroom. Leaving, leaving her all alone while abandoning her to her nightmares.

She was terrified lying alone in the dark, she couldn't close her eyes. All her coping mechanisms had abandoned her. There was only one thing that could help her cope now and he was so tantalizingly close but yet out of reach. It was the longest night of her life.

The next night was worse, she was actually shaking from the need to be near him. But she is agent Sarah Walker, this shouldn't be possible. It felt worse than detoxing from cocaine or whatever drug had been necessary, after returning from one of her deep cover missions. He was so close, she could sneak into his room and curl up with him. Then she would be gone before he was even awake. No she couldn't risk it as there was a chance he would awaken. The risk was slim as he was a heavy sleeper, but if he did wake up she wouldn't have an explanation. He was a person, not a substance, this wasn't happening.

The next night she couldn't take it anymore, she needed him. Like a junky needing a fix she justified it by saying to herself; just one more time, one last time and I'll stop.

* * *

"Chuck would you like some hot chocolate?" She asked her voice straining to remain steady.

"Sure" Chuck responded "You okay, Sarah?"

"I'm fine Chuck" she responded as she handed Chuck the hot chocolate. Willing her hand not to shake, "Just coming down with a cold."

"Okay, just make sure you get plenty of rest." he said with his voice filled with concerned.

God she felt guilty but she needed this, banishing any second thoughts. "I will, cya tomorrow."

Finishing the hot chocolate Chuck yawned, "that was really good. Thank you Sarah" another yawn. "I think I'm gonna go to bed, night."

She waited all of five minutes before checking on him and sure enough, he was fast asleep. Positively shivering with excitement, she slipped into his bed and wrapped herself around him. Immediately she felt herself completely relax. It was like slipping into a warm bath as every muscle loosened, tension gone and worry disappearing as she fell fast asleep.

When she awoke the next morning, she promised herself never again. She didn't last a day and now 2 weeks later she knew she wouldn't, couldn't stop. She was out of control. She was drugging her asset.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Thanks again to Tshdow for the beta. Sorry about the delay should be doing more regular updates now.

**Chuck Vs Consequences**

Sarah couldn't sit still in her seat. Why hadn't they let them off yet? It had been at least a minute since the plane had landed. Three whole days without Chuck and she should have been fine. It was an exciting mission, challenging, dangerous and packed with action. Yet it had aggravated her as the one day mission had dragged on and on, she had developed a phenomenally short temper.

She winced as she remembered tearing into an analyst for walking to loudly. She used to live for missions like those. A two day delay was nothing, she'd had operations delayed for months before. Something had changed and as much as she didn't like to admit it, she knew the exact cause. Damn it, even thinking of him was enough to cause a pleasant sensation.

Finally, they were let off the plane. Sarah nearly bowled over half a dozen people in her rush to get off. Reaching her car, she dropped her luggage on the ground and immediately reached for the phone in the glove box. Fifty six missed messages showed on her phone, which was strange. She couldn't be bothered with that right now as she hit speed dial, she waited anxiously for his voice.

It rang and it rang and it rang, "Hi you have reached Chuck's phone. I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you."

Where was he? Ellie would know. Dialing Ellie's number, she only had to wait for a single ring before she picked up.

"Sarah is that you?" Ellie's voice sounded ragged.

"Yea Ellie it's me. I was wondering if you know where Chuck is? He isn't answering his phone."

"Sarah, we couldn't reach you. We tried and we tried..." Ellie wailed

"Ellie where's Chuck?" Sarah demanded, her voice commanding even as she quailed internally.

"He's in the hospital. They don't know what's wrong with him." Ellie answered brokenly through sobs.

What could have happened, the team had been benched while she was gone. He couldn't be hurt, He had to be okay. She didn't remember hanging up on Ellie or the panicked drive to the hospital or the nurse she yelled at for not giving her Chuck's room number fast enough or even barreling through the door to find Chuck hooked up to those awful machines not moving.

Sarah choked back a sob as Ellie hugged her tight. "He's gonna be okay Sarah, Chuck wouldn't leave us. He can't leave us." Ellie wailed as her pep talk broke down.

Devon placed a comforting hand on Sarah's shoulder squeezing gently, "He'll be okay Sarah, just have faith." Turning to his distraught fiancée, he maneuvered Ellie out of the room while speaking softly to her.

Sarah felt like she was in a trance as she approached the bed, this wasn't real. Reaching out to touch his curly locks, she recoiled as she came into contact with them. It was real, what would she do if she lost him. Even though stunned by the sight, she turned instantly as she heard someone enter the room.

Casey looked haggard but it didn't save him. Sarah's despair and worry were channeled directly into anger and she lashed out. "How could you let this happen." She yelled advancing on him menacingly.

"Calm down Walker, we didn't do anything. Chuck just collapsed this morning after exhibiting what we think were withdrawal symptoms the day before. Has he been doing something, were you covering for him?" he accused.

"What?" she asked suddenly at a loss. Her rage lacking a target collapsed, leaving only misery.

"Has Chuck been using something. The doctor is running blood tests but he might not survive long enough to get the results."

Sarah felt her heart drop. She'd done this to him. Dear god, how could she have hurt him. She hadn't even thought about side effects as she had been blinded by her own desires. A heart broken sob escaped her.

"Walker!" Casey practically hollered shaking her shoulders. "What has he been taking? If you know tell me."

"Sleeping pills, CIA issue" she whispered back.

Not waiting for anymore information, Casey was out the door.A few moment later the doctor came back in with a syringe. "Agent Walker you sure the patient was taking Xenthonase?"

Sarah could only nod.

Turning back to Chuck, the doctor injected the syringe into Chuck's saline bag. "The good news is he should be alright, although he won't likely wake up till the morning."

Chuck was going to be okay "Thank you Doctor."

The man nodded and left.

He was going to be alright, then she felt the despair hit her. She knew it was only a matter of time before General Beckman found out. Looking at his face, she couldn't suppress a shiver as this could be the last time she saw him. Everything was finished now because she had let her desire to be with Chuck overrule her common sense.

Moving like a zombie she pulled back the sheets and snuggled up next to Chuck for the last time. It never ceased to amaze her how something so simple could be so soothing. The dark pit of terror clawing at her gut vanished and somehow, despite the sure knowledge that she would lose everything tomorrow, she slept.


	5. Chapter 5

Also I've been a bit lax about this but no i don't own Chuck despite many generous offers ranging from 3$ - 8$ they refuse to bite oh well.

A/N First thanks again to tshdow beta tester extraordinaire. And as tempting as it was to leave all of you hanging I figure I should probably post it. I hate cliffhangers don't you.

**Chuck Vs Revelations**

She awoke as her spy senses alerted her to the fact someone had entered the room. Looking up she saw it was Casey.

Casey looked grim "Briefing at 0'10 hundred hours Walker." His face softened as he saw her comprehend what that meant. "I'm sorry Sarah I tried."

Sarah could only nod as her throat constricted to much to speak. Casey never called her Sarah. She felt Chuck stir against her mumbling something as he started the journey to consciousness. Despite the looming threat, she couldn't help a small smile as she looked down at him. Looking back up at Casey she left no doubt what she wanted from him, taking the hint he left.

Looking at her watch she shivered 8:30, only 1 and half hours left before the briefing. She had to tell Chuck everything now, how she felt about him and for how long. She also had to tell him how she betrayed him and almost killed him, took advantage of him. She felt her heart sink at the prospect that she wouldn't just be losing him physically today but emotionally as well. He'd never want to see her again. Her eyes filled with tears but she had to do this. He needed to hear it from her and not Casey, not Beckman, but her.

But it could wait five minutes or maybe ten. He was so peaceful, absently she reached out a hand to stroke his curls. She instantly regretted it. Chuck awoke at her touch, dashing her hopes of a few more minutes of him loving her.

"Good morning" she whispered, trying to express the depth of her feelings through this small greeting.

Looking directly up into her eyes, a goofy grin spreading across his face "It certainly is."

God he was so ridiculous, his corny jokes, his goofy grin, all of it. She was going to miss it all.

"I clearly need to be hospitalized more often." he said as his smile grew till he saw the sadness in her eyes.

"Sarah what's wrong?" he asked in a worried voice.

"It's .."

Starting again "Chuck you need to promise me something from now until I tell you it's okay to talk again; you can not say a single word. It's the only way I'll be able to do this, do you agree."

Chuck nodded his face solemn.

"First Chuck, you need to know I love you." She placed a finger over his goofy grin to prevent him saying anything "Remember you promised."

He only nodded again, his eyes shining. "I have been in Love with you for so long and each time I had to turn you down it hurt so badly." She felt his arms tighten around her. She smiled down at him before pouring out her soul to him. Then with a heavy heart, she explained what she had done to him. Watching his face become more and more serious as the tale continued.

"So it's over now and I'm so so sorry Chuck." She finally choked out.

His brow pinched as he thought. Sarah couldn't stand the silence. Finally admitting defeat she wearily tried to get to her feet.

Her progress stopped suddenly "Where do you think your going?" he asked.

"I'm leaving. I can understand why you don't want to see me anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Sarah" he said his voice suddenly sad.

"It was my fault Chuck, I'm getting what I deserve." She replied sadly trying to get up again.

"Sarah your not going anywhere, now that I know how you feel. I'm never letting you go." he said gripping her tighter.

She could feel her heart bursting for joy. "I'm confused Chuck, you said you were sorry? I thought you were telling me you didn't love me, that you couldn't forgive me."

Pulling her closer, he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "No silly, I was sorry for the pill thing."

She was annoyed "Chuck how on earth can you blame yourself for that it, was my fault. You didn't even know what was going on. I could have killed you!"

"First off you didn't and second, how many times have I expressed how deeply I care about you."

Confused by the sudden change of topic "I don't know innumerable" She responded with a smile.

"Exactly Sarah and yet despite that you didn't feel comfortable enough, safe enough to come to me when you needed help with something. You needed me and were afraid of me. The worst thing is you would probably have been right. I hate myself for being so selfish how could I.."

"Chuck.." she interrupted.

"No, Sarah it's your turn to listen. In all my efforts I was so focused on making you know how I felt and on trying to get you to admit how you felt. I only succeeded in scaring you away. When you needed me my actions made it impossible for you to ask. So you did what you needed to, this is my fault." He said his voice leaving no doubt how he felt.

She leaned into him, kissing him like she'd imagined it would be. Letting passion consume them both as they lost themselves in each other. Stopping to breathe, she leaned her forehead against his "Let's call it even."

His only response was to pull her back in for another kiss. Halfway through she felt something gnawing at her gut. Worry that wouldn't go away, they had so little time left. She had been prepared to leave knowing he hated her but knowing he loved her, how could she leave. Chuck caught onto her mood and pulled back and looked into her eyes "Sarah tell me what's wrong, what haven't you told me."

Unable to contain her fear, "She's gonna separates us." she confirmed as she burst into tears.

Chuck pulled her head to his shoulder gently stroking it "Shh shhh it's gonna be okay. Whose gonna separate us."

"Beckman" her voice altering from despair to anger in an instant.

"We'll figure something out. I won't let her separate us."

Glancing at her watch, she saw they only had 15 minutes left before she had to leave for the meeting. "Chuck I have to leave in 15 minutes and she knows about the sleeping pills, it's over."

They sat in silence holding each other, Chuck wrapped in thought as Sarah clung to him. With five minutes left, he looked into her eyes. "Your right there is nothing you can say." Sarah felt her hopes die.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Don't own Chuck. Thanks to Tshdow for the Beta. Apologies for the delay in posting but as they sat sh*t happens.

**Chuck Vs Repercussions**

They sat in silence holding each other, Chuck wrapped in thought as Sarah clung to him. With five minutes left, he looked into her eyes. "Your right there is nothing you can say." Sarah felt her hopes die.

Her arms tightened around him, how could she have thought there was a chance. She really was far gone if she thought Chuck could figure out some miracle that would save her in 15 minutes. "Chuck .." she began brokenly.

"Shh Sarah, don't worry. This is my problem and I'll fix it."

"You.., you have a plan?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course I do, now just calm down and everything will be alright." Seeing her calming down he got up "We need to get going if were going to be on time."

"But you said ..", stopping as she looked into Chuck's eyes.

He gave her a quizzical look. "Said what Sarah? We really need to get going and we don't want to be late."

"You said there was nothing I could say", Sarah questioned?

"That's right, that's why I'm going."

"What are you thinking of doing Chuck." her voice suddenly low and dangerous.

"We don't have time Sarah. We really can't afford to be late."

She was about to protest but figured she could get it out of him during the car ride to the debriefing. "Fine let's go."

* * *

She was not calm at all, fury and anxiety raged through her as Chuck had refused to say anything during the car ride. Now there was no time as they were waiting for General Beckman to join them. Casey's eyebrow had risen at seeing Chuck but he hadn't said anything and she couldn't really interrogate Chuck with him present.

Suddenly the screen flicked on. "Morning Agents", her eyes narrowed slightly as she noticed Chuck at the briefing. "Mr Bartowski, I'm pleased that you seem to have made a full recovery; but your presence wasn't requested."

"With all due respect Mam but I need to apologize, not just to Agents Walker and Casey, but also to you. What I did was foolish and dangerous. I really should have been able to figure out what was happening, before it got this far."

Sarah's throat constricted was he going to tell Beckman the truth, there was noway that was going to work. General Beckman was going to reassign her on the spot once Chuck told her the truth.

"I must admit, I'm confused. What did you do, Mr Bartowski", General Beckman questioned?

"I'm not sure if my handlers have informed you but several months ago I started having trouble sleeping. You know Mam the things I've seen. Some of them, they..." he broke off with a small shudder. Sarah thought she saw Beckman's face soften for an instant.

"Well anyway, I was having difficulty sleeping and became physically exhausted. I was unable to function properly and I can only imagine how ineffective my flashes would have been. Anyway, Agent Walker was kind enough to provide me with some sleeping pills; as a temporary solution. However without there knowledge, I continued to use them consistently."

"When I finally stopped several days ago, I didn't connect the pills to the symptoms I was experiencing. I mean, apart from not being in great condition at the time, they're sleeping pills not opiates. Either way, thankfully Agent Walker was smart enough to figure out what I must have been doing. I shudder to think what could have happened if she hadn't."

"Thus my apology to all of you. I took the cowards way out, instead of facing my nightmares. I'm sorry, I should have dealt with my problems differently. "

'Well, I won't deny I'm disappointed with your actions Mr. Bartowski. Especially given the fact that you live with, not one but two doctors, I'd have expected you to know better! However, I recognize the extraordinary situation you have been placed in due to the intersect and the admirable job you have done up till now; despite your lack of training." her voice softened slightly "We all have our demons Mr Bartowski. It is part of the sacrifice we make, but you have my word we will do what we can to help you deal with yours."

"Thank you General and I will do my best not to let down the team again", Chuck acknowledged.

"Now agent Walker. When I first heard you had somehow allowed your asset to become addicted right under your nose, I was outraged. I had full intentions of not only reassigning you but removing you from fieldwork entirely." Sarah felt her heart constrict. "However, given the full facts of the case, I can understand how you could have missed Mr. Bartowski's usage of such a drug. Since a drug as normally benign as sleeping pills would enact no changes in the assets normal behavior. I therefore see no need for further disciplinary action in this case."

Turning back to Chuck, "Mr Bartwoski, we could schedule some therapy sessions for you to help deal with you sleeping issues."

"Thank you Mam but I would like the opportunity to confront my demons head on first, before trying therapy. It was what I'd been attempting to do before the withdrawal symptoms interfered."

"Agreed. We'll talk again in a few weeks, after you have been weaned off the pills and you've had a chance to confront your demons."

"I'd appreciate that very much General."

"In that case, dismissed and Mr. Bartowski good luck." With that the screen went blank.

Casey looked at them for a minute with an incredulous look on his face, then he grunted and walked away. Just before he disappeared, "At least I don't need to break in a new partner."

* * *

Taking her arm firmly, Chuck guided her towards the stairs. Sarah was silent the entire ride home. It was only when they were safe at home, that things seemed real again.

"It's really over? We managed to get through this without any repercussions." She asked, half afraid it had been a dream.

"Yea Sarah, it's over."

Sarah still couldn't quite believe it. She hadn't been reassigned and she hadn't even been punished either. This felt wrong as she'd gotten off Scott free, not even a slap on the wrist.

"Don't even think about it." Chuck said interrupting her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You do not get to beat yourself up about this. No guilt trips!"

"But I …"

"But nothing Sarah. You've been through god only knows how many horrible things, consider this Karma."

She nodded reluctantly.

"So which bedroom?"

Her head shot up. He couldn't be serious not after all this, Sarah thought. "What do you mean?"

He actually blushed. "Well, assuming you still want to ahh sleep together and I mean sleep with eyes closed and snoring. All that only, which ahh bedroom."

She walked over to him, "Chuck, there is no way I'm sleeping alone." Grabbing him, she literally dragged him to there room and threw him on the bed. Jumping on top of him, kissing him like the world was about to end. Her roaming hands suddenly found their progress halted as Chucks hand's grabbed her wrists. "Sarah stop."

Sarah wasn't sure what to do. This made no sense to her. He wanted her didn't he? Then it clicked, she'd thought he'd forgiven her for her actions but there must be some lingering doubts. "I'm so sorry Chuck, whatever it takes I'll earn your trust back." Burying her head in his shoulder.

"Sarah, there's nothing for you to gain back. I didn't stop because I didn't want to be with you or had any doubts about you."

"Then why? I thought you wanted this as much as I do." She said lifting her head.

"Sarah, you just escaped from what you thought would be certain doom. Your not thinking clearly, I don't want you to have any regrets."

"I won't Chuck. I've wanted you for such a long time, don't you believe me?"

"Of course I do Sarah but you aren't thinking straight right now. I'm ecstatic that you love me and that we're now in a relationship. I think we are at least and that you want to take it to the next level. But you haven't thought this through, we will still be working together. Tomorrow you may decide the only thing we can do to stay together is to put on the breaks again or go backwards. If we do this, it would make the choice that much harder."

"You've waited so long for me Chuck. I'm scared that I'll lose you ,if I keep this up. If I keep pushing you away."

"See thats part of the problem, give it a few days and come up with one of those brilliant Sarah Walker strategies. If we can have a relationship under current circumstance great, if not we'll figure out a way to change things. I've learned my lesson. If all we can do, for the foreseeable future, is sleep together and I mean sleep; then so be it. I can wait."

"Chuck, if we can't make a relationship work under these circumstances then I don't see what we can change to make it work."

"Sarah, the Intersect could be removed or the Fulcrum threat could be dealt with. We just don't know."

"Chuck those options could take years, if not longer."

"I do have a more immediate solution that I was planning on discussing with you."

"What?" Sarah asked suddenly suspicious.

"Well I've been thinking about asking Beckman for formal training. If I joined the CIA, our problems would be solved."

"No, absolutely not! Chuck I won't let you give up your dream for me, you deserve a normal life."

"Please Sarah, I'm not normal. I have a computer in my brain and to be honest, I don't want normal. I want you."

"But your speech at the fountain?" Sarah looked very confused at this point.

Chuck let out a groan. "God I new that was gonna come back to bite me. Sarah I only said those things because Bryce said your feelings for me could get you killed. You'd just been blown up and put in the hospital. I was terrified that I might get you hurt again or killed."

"Sweet as that is, why on earth would you listen to Bryce when it came to me?"

"Yes I realize his motives wouldn't have been entirely selfless but there wasn't anyone else. I couldn't ask you, I couldn't imagine trying to explain my situation to Morgan or Ellie and the thought of asking Casey." Chuck shudders from the thought, " Well I'd rather be run over by a truck, then backed over and run over again."

" He was right about one thing, you are to good a person to be an agent. I won't let you make that sacrifice." Sarah insisted.

"Sarah, most of the time you are the most brilliant woman I have ever known but sometimes I don't think you should be let out of the house without supervision. No matter what the future holds, whether it's kicking ass in Jakarta or hanging out here in LA, as long as I'm with you that is all I need. You have to stop thinking that my being with you is some kind of sacrifice, it's actually extraordinarily selfish of me."

"Stop right there. You are not gonna go on some spiel about how I'm out of your league again are you?" Sarah said in an exasperated tone.

"Well ..."

"Chuck your hopeless sometimes. I'll make you a deal. You stop beating yourself up about not being good enough for me and I'll stop beating myself up about not being good enough for you."

"Okay" Chuck murmured through a yawn.

"Get some rest Chuck, you've had a long day. We'll talk later." Sarah replied kissing him lightly on the forehead.

Chuck curled up next to her and fell asleep in her arms. Holding him as he slept, Sarah realized she'd been right and this was so much better.

* * *

A/N Hope you enjoyed the story. It's been fun, if anyone wants to discuss anything in particular i'd be glad to hear from you.


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